Friday, April 19, 2013

No one understands

I caught myself the other day. I was bemoaning something. And I was feeling a bit sorry for my self. 

No one understands.  I know this. I can help. No one wants me.

What am I speaking in a voice only audible to dogs? I wish people would listen.

It is not a happy place to be. Where you find yourself willing, able and ready to help, only to find there is no one who wants you to help.  It starts to feel like they don't want you at all. 

It hurts. I know it does. We feel alone. We feel like our voices are not heard. Even if we have many gifts if no one wants them, how are we to share?

I felt as invisible as a snowy owl against the late season snow.  And that my friend is pretty invisible. And silent too. 

I am learning though. I am learning humbly that I am so very very wrong. Someone does understand. Someone does get it.

Who? Jesus!

Who rejected our Lord? We did.
Who would not listen? People.
Who decided they knew better than God? Yep, people again.

Jesus made water into wine.  He woke the dead. He healed the sick. He bore the weight of all the sins in the world - past and present and future. 

Even in the Garden He was alone because His exhausted disciples slept.   Knowing the horror He faced, they still fell to human exhaustion.  Everyone of them except the plotting Judas.

You know who else understands? The devil does. And he uses it against us every chance he gets.

He whispers to us. They don't get you. You are not good enough.  You are too strange. You are too pushy. You pray too much. You are a hypocrite. You are a bad parent.  You are........

So, to sound like Yoda: in the middle are we. Smack dab in the middle. With a choice to make.


Jesus - who knows, understands and still loves and cherishes us?

The devil - who knows, understands and laughs at how it weakens us?

Jesus - who was there when we were knitted together in the womb.

The devil - who was there to taunt us at every fall, failure and misstep.

Would we want our children to choose love or hate? LOVE! ALWAYS LOVE.

So why don't we choose love as well?  Jesus understands, and loves us still. LOVES US MORE.

Isn't that enough?

Philippians 2:14-16 (NIV)

14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.

Monday, April 15, 2013

You are here

Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)In their hearts humans plan their course,but the Lord establishes their steps.

Lord I want to serve. Serve them.
Lord I want a home. Home is where you are.
Lord I want to make a difference. Make a difference with them.
Lord where do you want us. Where I put you.

I've been quiet and have felt like I had nothing to say.  So I didn't say anything. I needed to be quiet and do some listening.  To God. To the Holy Spirit. To Jesus.

I am some days so confused. So down. Feeling so small in my faith.  A fool. A failure. A Titus woman. A Proverbs 31 wife. Not so much. 

God honours our faith. He always has.  When we wander in the desert. When we are making idols because God seems so far away. When we strike out in anger instead of touching in love. When we forget, busy being human, that we belong to Him.

We plan. Sometimes we scheme. We dream. Sometimes we conspire. We fall. We rise. We fall again. We rise again. Each step we follow our hearts, and where are hearts are, there also is what we treasure.  When we follow our hearts to God, we find all the treasure of heaven.  

Selfish me misses things packed away. Forgetting so many have nothing.  Sad me feels hurt by unthinking words. Forgetting so many have no one to speak to them.  Frustrated me wants to know what comes next. Forgetting for many the next thing is terrifyingly clear. 

Sparrows and daily bread. Have you ever thought about just those two things?  God knows where each of His creations is, how they are doing, and He knows it minute by minute. Second by second.  Daily bread. Not a week. Not a month. Daily. God expects us to work for Him. And have faith in Him. Daily. He knows us so well. And loves us still.