Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A woman alone no longer

I am happily joining in with Jo Ann Fore's link up once again this week - prayerfully sharing my heart, along with the others who are also sharing. When you are finished reading, I invited you to go to her blog and join us.

Confession: I don't want to talk about this.

This being how we connect with other women, in community, even when we have been hurt.  How does a woman alone, who was a girl alone, find community?  She has a small seed of hope planted in her heart by a loving God.

Do I tell you about my most recent community of women friends, or the first one, or perhaps going back further why I thought I never would have one?  Maybe we'll share those all another day.  Today my heart is somewhere else.



My heart is on those still looking for a safe place.  A place where they can be safe from gossip, judgement, fear and more importantly they are safe to seek prayer.

So often in my attempts at being a part of a community of women have failed.  In part due to who I am. In part due to their expectations of their sisters. In part due to the expectations we have of women's groups in general.

I seem to fit in until I open my mouth. Or I share. Or I am not going to their church, my child is not at their school or my husband doesn't work in jobs like their husbands.  We seek common ground outside of the two things we should be using: our status as women and our status as women of faith.

I am a woman. I have worked in a man's world. I have earned respect and shown worth.  It is easier to work with men in some ways - their world is achievement and respect oriented.  That is how you manage as a farmer or fire fighter or a cowboy or horseman.  It is how you do what you do that shows your character.

Women being more relational are significantly more complex.  Okay freakishly complex to someone who was raised without models of healthy women's circles. To someone who was working and living in a man's world. To someone who failed to fit in every time she tried.

I used to thing there was something wrong with me. That I was not woman enough. That I messed up what God made.  Don't you just loathe how the master of lies works in us from childhood?  I do!  I took every negative message straight to heart, and missed every positive one. Out of hurt. Out of pride. Out of anger.

When I started finding my voice again I started to listen. To what was being said. By whom. And how. And when. I started to advocate for women to speak up and seek community.  I started to speak up about how we treat out sisters who are coming in from the cold.  As one who had come in a number of times, so often it felt like I had a patent on door hinges!

I am honoured to have some amazing women friends.  We have connected in person. We have connected on line. We stay connected.  We have relationships. We have community. We have each other.

Jo Ann in #WhenAWomanFindsHerVoice tells us about healthy community and relationships. And she speaks very candidly about how hard that can be. For us to trust. For our sisters in Christ to be open to someone not from their comfort zone.

We need to be willing to not only drop our stones and our walls, but we need to be willing to reach out our hands and hearts.  And most importantly for us who are seeking community - we need to reach out as well!  And do not despair of online connections, while they cannot replace the warmth of face time, they are still incredibly valuable!  Where else can we find someone to pray with us almost anytime, day or night? Or someone to celebrate with us? Or to mourn with us? Or to be there when we feel alone in the middle of the night?   

Jo Ann Fore

This post reminds me of my  WWRWW group that I connected with back in the '90s.  It also reminds me of my TRD sisters, my Army of Women sisters and all the others I can reach out to whether it is us two on a 'mom break date' or many of us praying on line together.  I celebrate you, I thank you and I am thankful for you!

15 comments:

  1. Oh the power of woman when she is free to be and honored in all her uniqueness.
    Thank you for sharing. Thank you for reaching out despite the past hurts. I guess, sometimes it takes those very same hurts in order for us to clearly appreciate and show how to sincerely celebrate one another!

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    1. I agree! When we can recognize and honour our scars then we can appreciate and celebrate one another! Thanks for coming by. Bless you!

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  2. "A place we can be safe from..."so true . What we all seek. Thank you.

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    1. It is what we seek - and He blesses us so richly doesn't He? Thanks for coming by!

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  3. Sometimes it seems to me that some women dnt know how to connect on a heart level. I think that is why they connect on the occupation, school, child's soccer game, and where my husband works level. For many friendship is a commitment they can't make because they believe if you really knew them you wouldn't want to know them. That is why I am so grateful for Jo Ann's book and ministry. Beautiful words.

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    1. Ironically, I have a difficult time connecting on the superficial level now. It's hard for me to simply sit and chat about what's going on at school, work, etc. I want to know a woman's heart. But I wasn't always like that. I thank God for the transforming work that He first started with me that allowed me to connect with others. You ladies are simply beautiful. I'm so honored to be on the journey with you. <3

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    2. Jo Ann - I often find myself looking for the heart connection, wanting to really know not the 'what you are doing' but 'how you are doing' - I care deeply for my friends and would rather spend a bit of time loving on them then hearing their 'got it done list'! :-) Bless you all for being here, and for Jo Ann for leading us so well.

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  4. I have never been the woman to get on her phone and talk for hours. I am not good in crowds but am alive with one on one conversation. I used to think there was something wrong with me, because I evaded parties and large get togethers but now I realize it is just who I am. I am blessed with "covenant" friendships. We share EVERYTHING. There is no darkness, only light and we have committed to be there for each other, with each other no matter what. These ladies breath life into me and I can not even imagine one minute doing life without any of them.
    Thank you for sharing about your community.

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    1. Bless you Lesley, and thank you for sharing, and for being here. It is amazing when we can find women we trust and can connect with.

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  5. I loved how you opened today "I don't want to talk about this." Oh, how true and honest. There are so many days I just don't want to talk about it either :) But then I love this that follows "How does a woman alone, who was a girl alone, find community? She has a small seed of hope planted in her heart by a loving God." It is his hope in what he has for us that keeps us moving forward, trusting he will place that community in our lives as we need it. Blessings as you continue to search out community around you. ~Victoria

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    1. Victoria - thank you for being here. And for the encouragement. You have an amazing voice.

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  6. Shanyn, we cann never discredit the relationships God brings to us through real life or the world wide web. Thank you for bringing that to light and giving it hope. Those friendships are just as important!

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    1. Sarah - they are! They are precious to me. One of my best friends in life was someone I met on line years ago, she and I were friends for a very long time. The friendships God blesses us with have no boundaries from Him, only us. Thanks for coming by!

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  7. "Don't you just loathe how the master of lies works in us from childhood?" I most certainly do! He has beat me down since I was first born. But, not longer will I allow him to have that control, that power over my life. Thank you, Shanyn, for this absolutely beautiful post. I thank God He brought me, us, to this wonderful group of Jesus loving ladies. <3

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    1. AMEN! Bless you! Thanks for sharing Tina. You have an amazing voice.

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