We live in a world of great expectations and judgement. Don't believe me? Next time someone asks, "How are you doing? Respond honestly - I hurt. I'm alone. I'm scared. I think I want to die. No one cares.
Don't answer - Keeping busy. Doing good. Same ol, same ol.
And watch the response. Watch kindly, and watch prayerfully.
Now try this. Ask someone how they are, and don't accept a pat answer. Gently, and in love, say, "No, really how are you doing? How is your heart, your faith, your hope, your family?"
Then listen. Then pray. And be there fully. See the hurt in their heart. See the joy too. The hope.
In our busy world we forget that we are not HUMAN DOINGS but we are HUMAN BEINGS.
And the being is what Jesus cares about. And what we need to care about.
The importance of our story is vital. The value of our scars incalculable. The power of prayer and love enormous. And on the flip side - our silence is costly. Our hiding away in the busy is brutal. Our reliance on self so destructive.
So many people feel utterly alone. And we let them! They feel their pain in isolation because we fear sharing our story. We fear speaking the hurt. We fear opening up and saying, I know pain like this. You are not alone.
The monsters lurk behind the glitter of the holiday season. We can out them. Drag them into the light. We can, and should. Drag them out and name them. Pull their teeth. Say what they are - lies. Shadows.
We need to drop the bootstraps, you can't use them to pull yourself up. We need to set aside the grindstone, it only grinds us down. We need to embrace community. We need to wipe away tears. We need to clean wounds. We need to acknowledge scars.
There are a lot of emotional traps during the holidays for me. The illusion of the perfect family. The reality of being unwanted. And the utter stress of wanting to be included and feeling like I should stay silent, invisible. I fall into them less easily than I used to. I dropped the bootstraps. And the expectations that somehow I was responsible for everyone's happiness (or for their angst).
I'm not responsible for them. Or you. But for me. And knowing that changes everything! When I rest on Jesus. When I hold them up in prayer, and I surrender expectations to Him - I find peace. When I embrace healthy community I am no longer as alone.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35-35
Find that community. Be that community. Reach out. Be ready for tears instead of false joy. Be ready for dirty instead of surface clean. Be ready for open hearts instead of fictional busy. Be ready for something amazing.
Linking up with the #VoiceBloggers as we work our way through When A Woman Finds Her Voice book study with Jo Ann Fore. Join us, won't you? Link up your posts, share in the comments here and at Jo Ann's page. And read posts. Leave love.
"We are not Human Doings but Human Beings."
ReplyDeleteYes and Amen. Indeed it is learning to be authentic, to drop expectation and simply "be." Learning that what God wants is us not what we can do, that instead of pulling ourselves up and dragging ourselves along we would let him pull us up and help us travel through each season, each pain, each hurt. To full and measured out healing. Was blessed to read your heart in this place.
~Victoria
Fearless Heart Ministries
So glad to see you here Victoria! And thank you for your encouraging words. Bless you my friend.
DeleteSilence is not golden. Silence is lonely and scary! I'm learning that slowly but surely.
ReplyDeleteSilence is all those things - and it's hard, and scary because being silent is easy for others while it can hurt us deeply! Praying for you. Thanks for coming by.
DeleteLove this post, Shanyn! Powerful words.
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie! So happy to see you come by. Bless you!
DeleteVery engaging and powerful words and I love how you wrapped it up with hope "to be ready for something amazing". Let our voices get stronger with the telling.
ReplyDeleteThank you Maria, and thank you for coming by. Jesus is our hope, and some days that is the single four letters I cling to - HOPE. :-) Bless you!
DeleteDear Sharyn,
ReplyDeleteI really loved what you have written here! Thank you so much for being brave and honest to say what so many of us feel and struggle with. I so hear you that there is a powerful pull even more so in this season to not engage honestly with our own reality within or with others. Thank you for your powerful words and encouragements and your example. I am blessed by you.
love,
Susan
Thanks for being here Susan, you encourage me so much! And in that encouragement are blessings.
DeleteShanyn, this is one of the most powerful posts I've seen from you. Stellar encouragement and truth. Awesome hope my friend!
ReplyDelete*bashful smile* thank you! Hope is the thing we have most, it is the humble foundation of the world. And it has come. Thanks for blessing me with your friendship and encouragement!
DeleteShanyn, thanks for your words on feeling "of wanting to be included and feeling like I should stay silent, invisible." Made me wonder about how I voluntarily 'excluded' myself from my natal family. It was 'safer' and reflected my own fear of standing up for myself. It seemed smarter to be invisible. As if in my rebelliousness for not choosing their ways, I made myself pay the price, as if I didn't have the 'right' to give voice to my voice. If they were insistent that our past hadn't informed our present, that we were all, 'all right', then I would withdraw and go along with it. It was as if I left without really leaving, and that was a loss.
ReplyDeleteOh I hear you, and you are right it is a loss. Mostly for them. Because as you discover you and your voice there will be so much beauty and wonder as Jesus works in us - thanks for being here! Bless you.
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