Thursday, February 6, 2014

Seasons and voices

So far I've written and deleted this post twice three times. I wanted to write a sweet tie up to our journey with Jo Ann and the amazing #VoiceBloggers.

But that isn't what God wants me to share today.

And the more I struggle to NOT share it, the more deleting and retyping I have to do.

Not everyone is happy when we find our voice. They don't like their comfort being upset by growth. By change. By something new.

Some are happy for the change. But not for us. They see our voice as something to use. To manage. To own. They are watching for us to fall back on old habits. Their quiet cynicism a sharp barb. They expect us to fall. We are fallen people.  

So they wait. 

And watch.

And sharpen their barbs.

I KNEW you couldn't keep it up. A tiger can't change it's stripes.

I KNEW you'd lose your cool.

Can't you just________________for once?

They miss the transformation. They miss the change in our hearts. The voice is only part of what we have found. 

I will mutter. I will growl at inanimate objects. I will probably take a computer crash personally. That isn't my transformation. That isn't my voice.

I will see where my voice is not needed, and speak love as I leave.

I will refrain from going to an argument I've been invited to, and speak peace as I walk away.

I will brush away the cynical barb and instead of tossing it back, I will give it to Jesus.

These stripes are mine baby. No one really cares if a tiger is black on orange or orange on black. 

I wrote a poem last week.  This is part of it:

I don’t know where we are going, or when, limbo is so strange.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t miss this adventure for anything!
Praying for broken hearts and praising in the hallway.
On the other hand we have much to be thankful for.
Thankful for what makes us stronger, what passes us by.
On the other hand I fight against that which I can’t change.
It’s futile, I know, running back to a closed gate.
On the other hand sometimes I can be a hard learner.
We are told to praise in the hallway, waiting can be so hard!
On the other hand He never said not to make windows.

I am not a pretty church girl from a poster. 
I'm standing in the hallway dreaming of a chainsaw to make some windows. 
To cut a new door. To move this thing along. 
I wanted to use my voice like a chainsaw the other day. I am so thankful God stayed my hand. Quieted my voice. Stilled my heart.
I wanted to know why I was no longer wanted. Why I was reduced to thanks for your interest. Why I wasn't worthy of more information. Better communication. I wanted to stomp my feet and toss some barbs of my own.
Ugh. Ugly, no? Yeah. But I didn't. That's the transformation. I didn't.
I accepted them for where they were at. I asked the questions. I left the answering to God. 
And walked away.  Unfollowed the page. Restricted their access to my life. 
Guess what? They haven't noticed. And guess what else? That's okay.  It isn't about me. It's about them. And God. And God working on them. 
Mostly though. It's about me. And God working on me. 
Come over and see what the other amazing #VoiceBloggers are sharing today on our last link up with Jo Ann. Don't worry though, there are more amazing things coming that we will do together! Promise. 


  1. I love your raw honesty, Shanyn. There are people in my life who have not appreciated the fact that I have found my voice. Yet He fills me with more of Himself with all He takes away.
    I love the fact that you're real!

    1. He does, and it is wonderful! :-) So glad you are here. Bless you Cheryl.

  2. Dear Shanyn,
    Thank you for being willing to be honest and courageous to write what God was really prompting you to say. I so appreciate you doing that. I so agree with you. And maybe add that I am also the one who sometimes wants to criticize, and doesn't like what God is calling me to be right now. I felt like a nicer person when I was less honest. I am trying to learn how to speak the truth in love but it is not easy.
    I really appreciate that you included how to leave things with Jesus and walk away in peace and love instead of saying everything that comes to mind. I have really appreciated getting to know you and your example of pushing on to grow in Jesus, especially when it is not easy. Love to you, friend,
    Phillipians 3:12-14

    1. Oh Susan! I hear you on that one. It isn't easy to speak truth in love, sometimes it means being silent. And waiting for God to speak. I've come to the point where I'd rather be quiet or kind than 'nice'. For me leaving things, situations and people to Jesus is so important. I can walk away trusting Him. It's when I can't that I know I'm trying to do His job for Him. Bless you girl, keep on keeping on!

  3. In the midst of my crazy day I stopped to read your post. It is about God working on us isn't it? Readying us for His plans and His purpose for our lives. As we lay down our rights to be heard, He sometimes picks them up for us…gets them to the right places and they are heard after all. Just not where we expected.
    love your heart and your courage!
    Gay Idle/CaptiveHeart.

    1. Thank you for coming by Gay in your crazy day. How honoured and humbled I am that you did. Love your heart, and your courage too my friend! Bless you. He is doing a mighty work here! So blessed to be a part of it with you all!

  4. Transformation! Maybe a tiger can't change their stripes but God can transform us into the women he originally designed. Never give up!

  5. I love reading your words in the quiet of my day, after dinner has been removed from the table and the house is still. Thank you for always sharing your heart and journey of life with me. ((HUGS))

  6. Oh Shanyn how I love your honest voice. And I am so with you in wanting to take a chainsaw to make my own windows and doors and move this stuff along...especially right now. Keeping finding that voice, keep speaking up, keep sharing, loving and caring. Loved taking this journey with you. From one farm girl to another :) Blessings ~Victoria