The Girl on the Fridge

For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

Psalm 91:11 (King James Version)

I've known about her since I met him, one of the first things he told me about was his daughter. How she was in his thoughts and prayers, even though she isn't in his life.  That she might be back in his life once again, and that we would have to be there for her.  I knew about her from that first day, and the first thing he put up in our house was a photo of her on our fridge.  


It is always there - when we have moved, when we spring clean or renovate.  Her photo is there, the last one he got before her Mom took her away from that part of her family.  Our fridge is the map of our days - magnets from places and of letters and pictures, photos of people we love, recipes, notes, cartoons, the magnetic markers of our lives.  It's a mess but everything on it has importance, and value.


How do you tell a teenager, full of angst, worry and un-admitted fear, that she has been in our lives and prayers, even before we got to talk to her and make a connection?  How can I help her understand that I love and care for her because she is his child?  That her life matters and we pray for her and her Mom always, for her Grandparents and her family?  That her tough exterior isn't fooling us?  How can we get close when her first mode of defense is to push away?  When the first words are to start a fight? 


We pray a lot, we keep trying, little things like chat and text, coffee and asking to visit...putting out invitations, and accepting rejections knowing they are not personal.  Choosing not to fight, not to embrace the past or the negative.  We want to be there because we care, and we can be patient and wait for her to be ready.


She is more than the girl on the fridge, but that's how she started.  Dark  hair and dark eyes, a smile so much like his.  She is the girl who has been on the fridge because she is in our hearts, she is the girl in our lives and in our prayers.    We care about her, and we fear for her that her paths will take her places where we cannot protect her.  We try to visualize how her, in all her dimensions, can feel welcome and a part of our family.  We try to understand how is is the person she is today, and how we can get to know her.


It isn't an easy thing but many things that are worthwhile are not easy, indeed most are not.  She doesn't know it yet, but we have been waiting for her for a long time.  She is the girl on the fridge, but she is also the girl in our hearts, and the girl who has a place in our lives.  Even if she isn't ready to take that place, it's been there since we started this journey together and it will be there waiting for her always.

Losing your sparkle?

This isn't the post I had in mind for Strawberry Roan today but considering the challenges being faced by my friends, and the challenges ahead for my family it seems to be the right one for now.


What happens when you feel like your world is crumbling around you?  The stress, the not-so-nice surprises, the realization that what you thought was true and solid was nothing but shifting sand...and it can go on.  A broken heart, a knee needing to be replaced, a heart longing for what the mind cannot put into words.  


When I've been struggling with my own doubts as I pray for those I care about and love, and those I'll never meet this side of heaven, I look for verses and quotes to help me find some focus.


With the most special timing, Bethany posted this word art last night as I chatted with a friend.  

How often do we let the cares of the day tarnish our sparkle, and wear down our shine?

How often do we let the worry and fear take away our joy and laughter?

How can we look forward to the next day if we hold on to the remains of today?

God doesn't want His children not to have love, laughter and joy amid the toils of their day.  His birds cheerily sing His praises even when they are huddled in the rain or fluffed up against the cold.  Why shouldn't we, His children, also remember that by Grace we are saved and that the greatest of faith, hope and love is love?

But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love 1 Corinthians 13:13

Faith in tomorrow, faith in the next step before us that we cannot see, faith that the baby that grows or the tears that fall are in accordance to His will and not our own.

Hope in the night, that the shining stars and silvery moon will lead into the light of day.  Hope that the fears, tears will give way to sparkly laughter and infectious joy.

Love that saved us, love that redeemed us, love that forgave us all our sins - now and forever.  Love that is the greatest because without love we cannot have faith. Without love we cannot have hope.  Hope and Faith cannot grow in ground that is not watered by love, and the Greatest Love comes from God.  

We are created, wonderful and amazing, by His hand.  When you feel like you've lost your sparkle, that your shine is tarnished under the grime of the day remember this: 

"What is the price of five sparrows--two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Luke 12:6-7

You, right now, in your bathrobe, bad hair, hiding under your bed, sitting in a bus shelter, on your way to school or out to do chores, you RIGHT NOW, are not forgotten by God.  You, right now, are loved and beloved by God, and prayed for by your brothers and sisters in Christ.  You, right now, are a precious child, a creation formed by a Divine Hand.  Dirty, grubby, jeweled and groomed, small and brave, big and secretly terrified, running fast from life or stopped and on your knees - no matter where you are at you are loved.  

Your shine is waiting for you to use some prayer polish and some faith gloss to bring it back to the surface.  

"Do NOT be AFRAID; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Luke 12:7 

Think about that, you are not to be afraid, don't let fear steal your shine and your light.  Don't let worry dull your sparkle. Rest in faith, be assured by grace and let your love grow.

Can we pray together?  You can email me if you wish rather than leave a comment, I would be honoured to pray with you.

Bright blessings, always and in all ways...

Flying with faith

Today I realized that when I leave I miss their faces from the last moment I see them until the first second I see them again...their sound, their touch, their smell...and I prayed for a flight that would have me looking forward instead of looking behind.  And guess what happened?

Today I flew west, bucking a head wind, bouncing over the Rockies towards a meeting for my work.  This last leg of my flight is relaxed spiritually even as the plan bucks and bounces.  The reason?  I was given a great gift in the hours before by my seatmate.  I'm blessed to do work that I love, and while I look forward to seeing my colleagues and friends I always miss my home and my boys.


Usually I'm sad to go, sad when I leave and the first hour of the flight anywhere is sad with me missing them.


This time I prayed for something different, I got a lighter book, some good snacks and took my seat on a very full flight.


The lady next to me is a Pastor's wife from Thunder Bay and we had the most marvelous visit - two Christian women, to moved far away from family, proud Mom's and loving wives talking.  We talked about children, about faith, about prayers, renovating churches, building new, planting seeds and how it comes down to grace and redemption.


What a blessing!  It was so nice to be with someone who I could relate to on so many levels, to discover bits and pieces of our lives, tied together by common faith and when we parted it was with the affection of sisters in Christ who knew the other would be praying for her, just as she prayed.


It was wonderful to meet you and I'll look forward to the day we meet again...holding you in prayer...


Word art from Scrapgirls, your online source for great digital scrapbooking treasures!

Homemaking...

My Blog friend and sister in Christ, Ann, has inspired me today to a degree that she won't believe.
Check out her Holy Experience post here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/01/real-secret-to-happy-homemaking.html then come on back and meet our holy mess :-)

*

Now that you are back, what did you think of that?  I can share what it did for me...it gave my world a little tilt in the direction of accepting love.

I look around my house and I used to hear my Grandma's voice in my head - dust, dirt and dismay at it all.  She was, to me, a perfect house keeper - dust didn't dare settle on her knick knacks, mud would never smear her floors, feet wouldn't dare touch the top of a coffee table and socks never were up on the slip covered couch (unless sneakily tucked under a blanket).  Her dogs were small and tidy, and knew their place.  Or they lived outside.  Her husband had a porch to drop his things in after work.  Everything that could possibly wrinkle was ironed and sometimes starched.  She had different cloths for washing and drying dishes (and an order too).  Her pride and joy was her home and how it looked.  It showed.  She was a phenomenal cook and baker, but that's for another post.  She was a loving lady who had a real pride in her home.

I have some people in my family who do 'dust checks' and feel that that is a sign of a good housekeeper.  It may very well be, but I am not a housekeeper, I'm a homemaker.  I have dust, thank you, and you can write it it.  Just don't leave a date!  I am proud of our home, the creative things my dear husband makes, the renovations to turn an older house into a home.

Our house is full of many things that are our lives.  Some of the things you might see when you come to visit could be surprising but all have a place here.  The front door is crowded with boots, mitts, hats and scarves.  We have jackets and caps, mostly hung but some draped.  There are two boots at the top of the stairs, they are a boundary for one of our rescue dogs, Abby the Pyr. Activity books and markers scatter the floor, overflow their bin.  The dogs lay where they will amongst cars, trucks, books and work things.

The laminate floor doesn't shine much anymore, and it shows scratches and scuffs from a happy little boy driving trucks, dragging a second generation rocking chair and has some dull spots from spills that got missed in the last cleaning swipe.  There are some dustbunnies, the family called Fluffypants, that come mostly from our four dogs.  All rescue dogs, all living here in a heaven they never could have imagined, and leaving their wet with snow, shedding in season, sleeping and drooling mark upon us.

Swiffer should sponsor rescues, the number of those dusters and pads we go through to keep the bunnies under control is mad - but worth it. Worth it to see the sweet relaxed faces of animals that know in their animal souls that they are safe, loved and home.

My kitchen can be tidy as a pin, for about 10 minutes at a time, and then it comes undone.  I bake, I cook, we snack and use dishes.  They get washed, and sometimes we let God's air dry them and others we use the towel.  Juice boxes and coffee mugs, spoons and bowls clutter the counter between washings.  When Luke wants to be a chef we don't fuss over egg shells, spilled flour and dirty measuring cups.

The laundry piles up, and joyfully gets 'smash crashed' on our bed before being folded.  My iron hasn't seen water or the light of day for years, I'm not sure where the ironing board is.

The sunroom is the Lego Room and is full of Lego, love and fun.  No grownup space for visiting, no clutter free zone of peace.  Even the smallest of rooms shows evidence of our child, animals and our love for our life.  I'm not a housekeeper, although I can be a homemaker.

I say yes to wiping up markers off the floor because that means he was learning printing with his Dad.

I can pick up dust bunnies because that means we have furry love in our house.

I can let the laundry get smashed before folding because it brings him and us joy.

I can try to be tidy and neat, but would rather be creative and free which hurts much less and allows for such abandon.

When we do our tidy up - sweep, swiffer, wash and tidy it isn't to meet the standards of an inspection, but rather to clear the decks for another round of life.  A clean floor for building, playing and driving cars.  A clean counter for making waffles and cookies.  For peeling apples for pie.  Clean clothes to wear, smashed into a pile on the bed, means someone was using his imagination for wonderful play.  Books scattered to the four winds means we have places all over to rest, read and be close to each other.

When we are cleaning up his room we find a book, Bible Adventures, so we stop cleaning to read.  We find some other books to read and talk about.  He goes to Lego Town and finds is Grandma in church.  He talks to God everywhere he goes and sees Him everywhere He is.

Sometimes we have a calf in the house, new born, wet and dirty. Sometimes we have wet dogs, paws frozen but melting, leaving wet trails on the floor. Sometimes we come in cold, tired and drag ourselves to the shower leaving a trail behind us.  We have made a home here, with the Grace of God, that has love, creativity and is welcoming to all.  Our friends with tidy and pin neat houses come and relax, they sprawl out.  Our friends who live in bigger chaos than us marvel at the serenity of our 'mess'.  We look around at the signs of love and living and are thankful...for this too is a blessing.

This is a reminder to me that God loves us in our tidy places and in our messy chaos.  He loves us through the dustbunnies and the spilled milk and cereal.  He loves us through dusty picture frames and finger print covered TV screens.  He loves us because He sees past it to the heart and soul beneath.  No hollow shell of tidy here, we have no time to put up a facade.  This is us...in the tidy moments and in the daily twister...my prayer is that no one who enters our home feels that they cannot be themselves, and that they won't leave without feeling God's love and acceptance here.

*Word art is by my blog friend, Bethany, at Elegant Word Art by Bethany. She does wonderful work, check it out...

What warms your cold night?

The fire warms the heart, even through cold and ice...

It's been very cold to quite chilly here and with four dogs, a hubby, me and Luke the doors are open and closed LOTS!  Our pellet stove keeps the house toasty warm but the ice patterns on the storm doors seem to be getting thicker and more intricate as the winter wears on. This one on the back door looked like beaded flames in the ice - so lovely and such a contrast.  How the image of the flames and the meaning of their warmth was etched into very cold ice on a very cold door.

Reminds me very much of faith - the images of heaven, the message of our redemption, the clarity of the Word yet it is masked in the ice and frost of the world around us.  We don't always see the beauty in the ice because we long for the warmth of the fire.  But through the ice we can see a fire, through the fog of this world we can see through the Word.

Winter used to be seen as a season of rest or death - nothing much grows except piles of ice and snow.  It can be a hard season of short days and long, dark nights.  We often deal with seasonal disorders that directly relate to the lack of sunlight - how much more are we suffering from a lack of Son-Light when we are in the winter of our faith?

Wen I'm in the dark and cold I seek the light, even an icy flame on a frozen window can remind me of the warmth of faith, the comfort of grace and the joy of being a created child of a loving God.

God's grace is our only hope! "But in your great mercy you did not destroy them completely or abandon them forever. What a gracious and merciful God you are!" Nehemiah 9:31, TLB

In the winter when the nights are cold, dark and long how do you bolster your light?  How do you light a candle of faith in the winter of your world?  So much of the world never experiences a death cold, a deadly winter night, and yet it is in this very season we celebrate the birth of our own Light, our Christ, born humbly attended by animals in a stable in the winter.  Even a desert winter isn't a warm and light filled way to enter the world.

The lights of my Christmas tree spread a glow over the room, the lights outside on the fence warm the winter's night.  Listening to my little boy say his prayers and talk about how excited he is about Jesus being born and the gifts we have to that enable us to talk to God and share in His Holy Light...how blessed are we to be Children of Grace!

Thank you God for the short days where we cherish each hour of light, no matter how cold or grey.  Thank you God for the dark nights which grow shorter as we near spring.  Thank you God for the blessings that warm our lives and light our hearts.  Thank you for Your gifts and Your grace...

Amen...

I have been so inspired by my blog-friend and sister in Christ, Ann, http://www.aholyexperience.com/,  and her words and wonderful photos. Please visit her blog and those linked there - your hearts will be filled with many wonderful words and visual treats for the soul. Visit (in)courage at www.incourage.me for more great blogs and messages...

How God Made The World...And Stuff...

I don't know about you, but I have never really thought about 'how' God made the world.  I know seven days, I know what for each day - but not the how.  Have you?  Well someone in my house has been thinking about it alot, and the other day he told us all about it.

Luke turned 4 this summer, for context, and has a very interesting way of thinking and viewing the world.  He believes with his whole heart that God is the 'Greatest Worker' ever seen. Can't argue with that.  He has this intense desire to know not just what something does (lately the question starts with "What does/do ________ usually do?") but HOW it does it.  Not good enough that a transmission makes a vehicle drive, but how does it do that.  So I shouldn't have been surprised when he started telling me about God's construction company.

"Mama, did you know how God built the whole world?," Luke inquired taking off his boots and coat at the back door.  Looking down at his serious face I answer, "Uh I never thought about it, how do you think He did?"

Arms fling wide, eyes open large and I hear, "With a hugest biggest construction company ever seen with Jesus driving the bigger mixer truck and the hugest dump truck.  God gets to drive the big loader or the big excavator."

And the tale went on how they, along with their 'holy workers' constructed the whole world, and that they even painted all the colors on everything.  I was amazed at how his mind works, I never thought of how God made the world, but leave it to Luke to picture the Holy Construction Company at work.  No wonder I love talking with him, he makes everything look different just by running it past his wonderfully crafted mind.

Later that night, when we were saying our prayers (known at our house as talking to God) Luke told me about God and Jesus painting sunsets and leaves, and how they stirred the sky and oceans to make clouds, storms and whirlpools.  His faith in the world around him, and his joy at each discovery being something special humbles me and gives me great joy.

He believes that God's shop is run by someone almost as smart and strong and 'fix anything' as his Grandpa.  I'm only too happy to agree, because you see, after hearing how he 'sees' things I too want to put on the Lukey 'wobble goggles' and view it from his angle.

I am so thankful for the blessings of my family and my friends and for the created, wonderful world around us.  I humbly pray that I can be a good and faithful steward to them all.  Thank you God for Earl and Luke. Amen.

A Grateful Heart - Journal of Gratitude, Joy and Beauty

I found a pretty journal the other day, it was in with my books, and I have had it for a long time but never used it. I don't 'journal' in the traditional way and I was saving this pretty purple journal with the cream pages for something special. What would be a special 'job' for such a pretty journal. (psss...how long have I had it? Long enough that the matching pen has dried up entirely! It is still with the journal for looks only)

The Holy Experience blog by Ann Voskamp has inspired me to seek joy, appreciate beauty and express my gratitude as often as I can...and I've decided to do it through my hand written journal as well as here on my blog. Her blog gives me pause and takes me to the word, and brings me to meditation and prayer. I thank her for it. Another inspiration is the women at (in)courage and their wonderful, faithful blogs. You are my sisters!

Writing by hand, for me, leaves a record not only of our words but our way of writing - how it looks, how it feels to fill a page perfectly blank with words imperfect, smudged and uneven yet full of wonder, joy and gratitude. I have invited my family to share in the journal and when they have something to share they should write, in their own words and 'letter' their grateful moments, the results of their joy hunting or the beauty that they appreciated.

So I write, I keep my journal and the working pen close at hand. I have them numbered starting at 1/1000. I will probably have photos, labels, stickers and other things pasted in as well - I am a scrapbooker so everything should have some sort of embellishment at some point! :-) I want to have for my family a legacy of what mattered to me, what brought me closer to grace and what strengthened my faith. What was lovely in a day of dirty and messy. What was joyful in a moment of tearful hurt and frustration. What made me grateful doing the ordinary things of the day.

I will be sharing some of my random numbers from the journal here on my blog...and I invite you to do the same. Comment on what was beautiful today, what brought you joy and what made you pause and say a grateful prayer.

Right now I am looking at the beauty of a Lego town, the joy of a husband and son who love each other and I am grateful for all the little things that are the world to me! I'm grateful for the poems that I've thought of but never got a chance to put on paper, they will return from their flights fuller and better.

I'm grateful for warm days and the smell of horses. I'm grateful for endless reruns of favorite DVD's. I'm grateful for clean pirate comfy pants. I'm grateful for little hands and dirty feet. I'm grateful for every photo I can take that keeps these moments in time. Mostly I'm grateful for my faith, for the grace and love of our Lord.