Why I don't worry about birds anymore

Matthew 10:29-31

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Matthew 6:28

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.

Luke 12:27

“Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

I used to worry about our birds. When we moved I prayed the new owners would love our home and yard as much as we had. We had put a lot of work into it. It took a year for us to get more than one bird at the feeder, and when we moved we had many dozens filling the yard with song and color.

I forgot something important - as much as I loved those birds they were not my birds.  They belong to God. And as His, they are cared for outside of my human hands. I was a way He provided for them, but not the only way they were fed.

Matthew 6:26

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

If God loves His creatures so much, how much more does He love us?

And He loves those we don't love. And those we love best. And those we don't know. They, we, are all His.

I used to worry about doing enough. Being enough. And I would fail. Every time. And with good reason. I am not enough. Never will be. Neither will you.  We aren't meant to be. 

God asks us to walk humbly with Him. To love Him fully (mind, body, spirit). To love one another as we love Him. (yeah He does). He asks us to trust Him. Faith, Hope and Love.

It is easier to worry about those birds. To fret about them. To be angry that we had to leave them behind. Easier to try and take something that isn't mine.

We drove past our old place. It was not lived in full time. But the yard was full of birds! Every plant we had grown had reseeded from fallen or stashed seeds. They had so much and many varities of food and shelter. All from the work we had done before we left. And all without us being there in the present.

The trees we planted. The flowers that went to seed. They all grew, bloomed and bore fruit under the watchful eye of God. Their master. We were good stewards for a few seasons, and what we left flourished.

It can be that way in relationships - we can be close to someone for a reason or for a season. We can be present in big ways or small. What we should not do is discount the presence of God there. 

When the relationship changes, or ends, God's presence does not leave when we physically do.  And even when we are not there in the same way, our prayers can be there. We can intercede for them, praying over the seeds we planted in our time together. For the fruit that can ripen and mature in them, and in us.

God desires unity in the Church, the body of believers, and desires reconciliation between us and to Himself.  How we think that should work or look is often very different than His plan!  Letting go of our ownership of the situation, and giving it to the rightful owner God, lets us approach it with prayer. With love. In grace. So that God can work in their hearts and ours.

My birds know I am the one who brings them food. They trust me to keep the feeders full. Ultimately if I have to leave God will still provide for them. They trust me. I trust Him.

I miss my friends who are moving to other places in their lives. I cherish the small and mighty steps a relationship is taking towards reconciliation. I am tenderly growing a garden of love with someone who is important in our lives, and not someone I am close to. In all of this I need to be humble (this isn't about me, but about God, the Kingdom) and I need to trust God. Totally trust God. Like a bird. Like a flower. Like a lamb. Like a child.

 And as a recovering control freak the trust factor is a daily battle. I want plans. I want back up plans. I want a bug out plan. I want a press release and sneak peeks. God wants my faith. He wants my prayers. He desires my full hearted trust.  

What worries don't belong to you? How can we pray together?

Why I don't ask why

Jo Ann and the lovely Voice Bloggers are talking today about 'why' at Jo Ann's blog. Join us for the link up after you are done reading here if you like! 

I almost always get in hot water by asking too many questions. More often than not when someone says, NO my response is why?

No one likes that, but sometimes it is good to ask ourselves why we answer things the way we do. Is it a well thought out no or a knee-jerk no or a 'I don't know what else to say' no?  Maybe it is just NO - no way I'm going there!

When it comes to God I think sometimes I need to investigate the why a bit deeper. I love being able to rest on Him, and on my faith. That solid rock is what I cling to and what I reach for when I get into water that is too deep for me to walk upon.  

But I think I need to seek His will in the why and put that into action in my life. It is well, and good to rest but we also need to be faith in action. We need to put the boots in the stirrups and saddle up. We need to move knees to chest people! We need to speak using our out loud voices and risk being heard.

We need to be the answer when the world asks WHY. We need to be the WHY NOT when they wonder about being selfless instead of selfish.  

I used to ask God why. I used to wonder why things happened, or didn't happen. Then a time came when there was no 'why' but instead I asked 'what would You have me do?'

I started to grow deeper faith roots, stronger faith wings and a bigger heart outside of my own need to know. Sometimes we don't need to know. God doesn't want us knowing why when He wants us to be doing.   We can spend a lot of time sitting and talking about why or why not, and be distracted from doing.

Distracted from praying. From reaching out. From being present for someone. I learned that when you ask 'why' you have opened the door to the question 'why not'.  I have also learned that when I say, instead, What would you have me do? I am seeking guidance for action. And sometimes that action is to be still, and let God fight for me. Be at peace, let God work. Pray, surrender and stop mucking about!

Have you ever tried to fix something when someone is trying to help? When they don't know what you need, or haven't asked?  You want to smack their hands and say, Sit still, I've got this. or  I will let you know when I need your help.  Neither response really endears you to them, after all they are usually really trying to help!  But when I learned to say, You being here encourages me, thank you. and Thanks for offering to help, it makes it easier with you being here. Then I found myself understanding things a bit better in my walk with Jesus.

We cannot run ahead, shouting, LEAD ME LORD! and say we are following Christ.  If we are shouting, crying or chanting WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY we can't hear an answer. We can't hear a thing. And the devil wins another round in the battle to distract us.

There are thousand (okay maybe a dozen) why questions I could ask God right now. Right this minute! And like a loving parent who knows more than I do, He would be right in saying because I have plans for you. 

God has plans for you. And they won't change with the volume or frequency of our questions as to the why. Nor will they be any less, or more, than His will. What we do while we wait is where the blessings are found!

Why didn't the dream job happen? Why did the "I'm ready to go where you lead Lord" get answered with "stay"? Why did the I can do this ministry become "You aren't the right fit for us"? So many whys - why is this winter so danged cold? 

The 'dream job' may be the one I'm doing right now.

The place to be is in the now, where He is blessing us. Where if we were looking elsewhere with longing hearts we could be missing something amazing.

The ministry wasn't right for me - or for them. And it is all about Him, and He knows best.

As to winter, I don't know. It's just cold.

So instead we work on the doing, the being. Praying. Loving. Being present. Asking what we can do. Doing what we can. 

Hello...hello...is this thing on?

John 10:27-28 (NIV)

 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.

My husband, used to our poor cell service, usually starts a static filled call with the words: hello...hello...is this thing on?

Those words often make me smile. But today reading Jo Ann's post about Listening for God's Voice it has a bit of new angle.

We often wonder, and are asked, Are you SURE you can hear God? Are you SURE you are doing HIS will? And how do we answer when doing His will turns out unexpectedly for us?

A friend of ours asks if we are missing God's voice. I'm pretty sure that is what the enemy wants us to do - be busy. Be DOING stuff so that being STILL and hearing God is just not possible.  The world doesn't want us to be still. Be busy. Do something. Anything. Just don't be STILL!

Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” 

Be still. Oh how hard is THAT?

The enemy wishes for it to be impossible. Impossible!  The enemy wants us busy, accessible, loud, unfocussed and running about. He would love for us to be running, yelling over our shoulders, Lord why aren't you leading me?

Why?  Because when he steals our ability to be still, he has stolen our focus. Our ability to BE.  He wants us doing. He wants us busy. A distracted Christian is so valuable to him. 

When we are NOT STILL we are not praying, we are not caring, we are not hearing, we certainly are NOT listening. To anyone. Or anything. 

This is so apparent to me at Christmas. We have had our Christmas stolen, and sometimes we eagerly give it away to the false god of busy. 

Jesus was born in a stable. I wrote a bit about Expectations and Standards and about the importance of that humble stable.  Another thing about a barn, at night, it is quiet. The animals are resting. They are still.  

Our Savior was born at night in a stable.  His mother tucked away things in her heart, she pondered them. Silent adoration. Still in awe and love.

We can hear God all around us. In the trees, in the bird song, in the crunch of snow and fall leaves. We can hear God in the wisdom of a child. We can hear God in the sign of a panhandler. WE CAN. But do we?  God lets us choose.

>>>>>  think on that for a second - God lets us choose.

We can choose to listen for Him. We can choose to let the world distract us. We can choose to hear Him. We can choose to let the world steal our still.

Have you ever used a two-way radio?  There are three key things to using them!  

1) Choose the right channel. Are you on the channel of the King? 

2) Push in the button to talk. Prayer and time in the word is our button. 

3) Release button to hear what is being said. You can't hear if you don't stop talking. Let the button go!

Channel. Push to talk. Release to hear. 

We are often running on 2 outta 3! The third step is the most important one! And we miss it. We miss it!

Instead of shouting, GOD WHERE ARE YOU? WHY CAN'T I HEAR YOU? could we try being still.

1 Kings 19:11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (emphasis mine)

Elijah had huge faith. And huge courage. And he knew that God wasn't in the loud. But in the whisper. The quiet. The STILL!

What if we were able to stand the still long enough to hear God?  Pass through the storms, and the distractions, to find Him?

We don't distract God. We become distracted from God. He longs for us to be present, to be attentive to Him. But He won't force us. Worship is an act of love, not an obligation.

We are so trained, over trained, to be busy. To appear important is to be busy. To appear valuable is to be busy. To have worth is to be busy. It is a lie! It is a TRAP of the slickest kind.

Sisters, and brothers - BE STILL!  He waits to speak to us. And He will!

Linking up today with the amazing and lovely #VoiceBloggers!

http://joannfore.com/is-that-you-god/

Join us won't you?  Link up your own blog, share in the comments and leave love. Always leave love!  And pray for one another.

connection lost please try again

ERROR: CONNECTION LOST. 

PLEASE TRY AGAIN. 

CLICK YES TO TRY AGAIN. 

CLICK NO TO CANCEL. 

What is it about the holidays that makes us want to connect with people?  Are we feeling nostalgic in the face of all the Christmas specials that make even a fictional imperfect family seem perfect?  Or do we long for the neighborhood where you just pop over for a visit and find a full blown holiday festival in the living room?

What is it about the holidays that makes us want to disconnect with people? To step away, back way. Run away? To get away from the cost of social obligations. The pain of smiling from the sidelines. The alone in the middle of a crowd?  The stress, the mess and the fuss.

When my husband and I talk about the holidays, any holiday, and our traditions we find some stark differences and some comforting familiar ground. To quote Christian comedian Mike Warnke, "It's a strange place this place."

It is strange. This time of year. And our need to connect. And it goes back so far. Further back than even the birth of Christ. Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger than them. Even Herod. The wise men. Some for good, some for ill. Connections with people are the same way.

We need to connect in healthy ways. In ways that fill us with the fruits of the spirit. Ways that are counter to most of our culture. But sometimes we can't make it happen. Sometimes it isn't God's will to happen.

Have you ever lost your internet connection, and even though you have done everything on your end right it is still gone?  It is out of your hands. Clicking your mouse repeatedly won't work. Shouting won't work. Plugging and unplugging hasn't helped. The troubleshooter is out of ideas.

That is when you know the problem isn't with you.

Connecting with people, making connections, is no different!

Sometimes, despite our best and most prayerful efforts nothing works the way WE WANT IT TO.

Rest assured, it ALWAYS works the way God wants it to!

So sometimes the best way to find good connections is to recognize the bad ones. Like being able to tell counterfeit money by being completely familiar with the real currency - we can learn to detect wrong, faulty or false connections.  And we can rewire them, leave them with our Holy Provider or we can disconnect.

We can miss some incredible connections with people when we are spending our time trying to connect where God doesn't intend us to. It's hard. So hard. I WANT to reach out again, break my own boundaries. To see if they have changed. Stay my hand Lord. Steady my soul. 

Connections are made to be tested. To be rewired. Re-written. Written over. Corrected, maintained or abandoned. They are fragile and need to be handled with prayer.

Connections are so important, and in our overly-connected world we sometimes miss what they are meant to be. God wants us to be connected as a community. People loving on each other, praying for each other and going out and doing the same for others.  We need deep connections, ones that nurture roots. Ones that help us grow. And ones that prune us, too.

How do you test your connections?  Do you test them?  I would love to discuss in the comments with you!

Linking up today as one of the #VoiceBloggers at Jo Ann Fore's page. Come by and join in. Share in the comments, add a blog post to the link up or join our book group. Everyone is welcome!

Drop the bootstraps

The holiday season. Holy days. Days of spending time thinking of holy things. eh not so much.

We live in a world of great expectations and judgement. Don't believe me?  Next time someone asks, "How are you doing? Respond honestly - I hurt. I'm alone. I'm scared. I think I want to die. No one cares.

Don't answer - Keeping busy. Doing good. Same ol, same ol.

And watch the response. Watch kindly, and watch prayerfully.

Now try this. Ask someone how they are, and don't accept a pat answer.  Gently, and in love, say, "No, really how are you doing? How is your heart, your faith, your hope, your family?"

Then listen. Then pray. And be there fully.  See the hurt in their heart. See the joy too. The hope.

In our busy world we forget that we are not HUMAN DOINGS but we are HUMAN BEINGS.

And the being is what Jesus cares about. And what we need to care about.

The importance of our story is vital. The value of our scars incalculable. The power of prayer and love enormous.  And on the flip side - our silence is costly. Our hiding away in the busy is brutal. Our reliance on self so destructive.

So many people feel utterly alone. And we let them!  They feel their pain in isolation because we fear sharing our story. We fear speaking the hurt. We fear opening up and saying, I know pain like this. You are not alone.

The monsters lurk behind the glitter of the holiday season.  We can out them. Drag them into the light.  We can, and should.  Drag them out and name them. Pull their teeth. Say what they are - lies. Shadows.

We need to drop the bootstraps, you can't use them to pull yourself up.  We need to set aside the grindstone, it only grinds us down. We need to embrace community. We need to wipe away tears. We need to clean wounds. We need to acknowledge scars.

There are a lot of emotional traps during the holidays for me. The illusion of the perfect family.  The reality of being unwanted. And the utter stress of wanting to be included and feeling like I should stay silent, invisible.  I fall into them less easily than I used to. I dropped the bootstraps. And the expectations that somehow I was responsible for everyone's happiness (or for their angst).  

I'm not responsible for them. Or you. But for me. And knowing that changes everything!  When I rest on Jesus. When I hold them up in prayer, and I surrender expectations to Him - I find peace. When I embrace healthy community I am no longer as alone.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35-35

Find that community. Be that community. Reach out. Be ready for tears instead of false joy. Be ready for dirty instead of surface clean. Be ready for open hearts instead of fictional busy. Be ready for something amazing.

Linking up with the #VoiceBloggers as we work our way through When A Woman Finds Her Voice book study with Jo Ann Fore.  Join us, won't you?  Link up your posts, share in the comments here and at Jo Ann's page. And read posts. Leave love.

Sisterhood of the Scar Clan

If you have lived at all you have scars. You've had wounds. You've been wounded.

The cool thing about scars is that they are wounds that healed and are a sign that we lived to tell the tale!  Or lived to keep the secret. But we lived!

So now what?  How do we use those scars for the glory of God?  How do our old wounds become encouragement for those who are still freshly wounded? Or are still wounding?

I don't really share so much of my story. I tried that earlier this year. It did not go well. I think for all their intentions it was too much.  I get that. A lot. You are too _________! Can't you be a bit less ______________? 

I have to laugh. Don't they think I've tried?  And then I wonder at why God wouldn't change that.  Those stripes that seem so loud in a tame garden or living room are actually perfect in the wilds of my life. They helped me survive.  They still do. But in a different way.

There is one important thing about my story, about your story, that needs to never be forgotten. You ready? Really ready?

You made it through. God brought you through. You are beautiful. 

Yes you. Even you. Especially you.

I don't care if you walked, crawled, snuck out in the shadows, swam down a river of tears - the scars say you didn't quit. You could have. I could have.  God kept His promise.

GOD KEEPS ALL HIS PROMISES!

Sister, in your wounds be encouraged.  Still feeling pain means you are alive.

Sister, in your scars be encouraged. They mean you are healing. Aching reminders of getting through.

Why do you think Jesus showed us His scars after the Resurrection?  To show He made it through. He won. He bore it all for us, and conquered.  Thomas doubted, and put his hands into the wounds. Others saw the scars with their own eyes. And those who never saw them believed.

Scars can have a high price. They cost us in pain, in blood and in the original wounding. Denying them, covering them up with clothes or makeup doesn't erase them.  Scars show a victory that, if we choose it, can glorify our God.

Some days I look at the scars on my body - two saved my life, and were enormous blessings. The others sometimes ache in the damp or cold. They are not pretty. But they are mine.

And I can say to a hurting sister - see these?  I made it through. I'll stand by you in prayer. I'll stand shoulder to shoulder in silence. I'll interceed on my knees. You are not alone.

Sometimes I think about the scars inside, the ones no one sees but me. They are the hardest because no one sees them unless I speak about them. And then how do I share the darkness in such a way as to point towards the Light?

Sisters, and brothers - we all bear the scars inside and out. My scars are here to let you know I can bear to hear your story. You are not too wounded, too bloody, too betrayed or too ANYTHING for our loving God, and not for me either.  

We, as the body of Christ, can be the loving arms of the church embracing our wounded, anointing scars with love, bearing one another's burdens and showing love. Showing grace. Showing humbleness.

There is no competition here. Everyone bears their wounding, their healing and scarring, differently.

What I walked through, might have brought someone else to their knees.  What you walked through I cannot imagine bearing.  I can't know your pain but I know pain. I can't walk in your shoes but I can be there to walk beside you.

It's not an exclusive club, we are all scarred.  It's an inclusive club that we all can be redeemed. It's an inclusive club that not one of us is unworthy of love, of forgiveness or for grace.  If you seek it, God won't deny you. He seeks our hearts and souls earnestly.  He wishes for reconciliation to His children.

Thank you Lord for loving this bloody mess of a sinner. This surviving, scarred up cowgirl, farm wife and imperfect mama.  Thank you Lord for each eye that reads this that is drawn closer to YOU.  It is all about YOU. Not me. 

Are you hurting? Are you wanting to find the way through to the healing?  Can I pray with you? For you? Over you?

Linking up with Jo Ann Fore and the Voice Bloggers as we work through to the healing.

That voice you hear

That voice you hear is me.
That silence you miss
was never really me.

If this question from Jo Ann (http://joannfore.com/story/) had come last week my response would have been very different.  It would have been a bit more of a powerful voice and yet God did not will that.  Instead He has me writing from here and now.  And this place is one where I am still hurting and still reeling. Still wondering at the cost of using my voice.

When silence has been the norm then your voice becomes a strange sound.  For some a welcome sound and to others something they would happily miss.

Dr. Temple Grandin, an amazing woman whose voice I treasure, has explained it this way: when something becomes bad gradually we tend to adapt. To make the bad the new normal. And this is wrong. Bad is always bad, adapting for survival should be a short term strategy, not a long term life choice. For people and animals 'bad as a new normal' is always going to be bad.

Getting to a new, healthy normal takes a tremendous amount of work - prayer work, heart work, body work, soul work and mind work. It's work. Our voices are a like a muscle - they need exercise.  Consider this: if a long distance runner lets their exercise program be controlled by a power lifter will they be a better runner or a poor version of a power lifter?  It is the same with our voices!  If we want to be heard, we can't ask those who would rather have us be silent what our voices should sound like!

My voice has gotten me into more hot water than my silence.  Apparently my body language also gets me into hot water. It would be better, they said, to be quiet and still.  And inside my spirit howls: WHAT! WHAT! WHAT?

I'm an advocate. I'm a humble prayer partner. I'll speak up for you when your voice isn't strong. I will not be shy about my faith. I won't be ashamed of who I call friend, and whom I love. I will ask questions. And look at you to seek your own answers. I will set boundaries, and burn bridges. I will also sing you home when you are lost. I will call your name friend when you feel alone.  I will comfort you when your voice is broken. 

As a child of God, the redeemed beloved of Jesus, I have a stern duty. I have a joyous task. To use my voice to help others.  To encourage. To pray. To be present when all others leave. To show up. To say to the devil: NOT TODAY!

I am also an imperfect woman. I'm a sinner. I'm a failure. Sometimes I fail, and raise my voice. Sometimes I fail, and I get frustrated. Sometimes I fail, and I fail badly. 

The one thing I cannot forget is that God me. He made you. Including your voice. So it might not seem loud to you, but to someone living in silence you voice can be the sweetest sound they hear!  Pray. Love. Be there. And when your voice is needed - loud or quiet - speak! 

It saddens me greatly when I hear sister bloggers saying they are afraid to comment on posts they personally agree with because they are afraid to voice that when their church does not share the same opinion.  Jesus did not tell us to encourage one another when it suits congregational doctrine.  Jesus did not tell us to be praying constantly for those who are in agreement with us. 

Jesus told us to get in to the ditches and help the wounded, the dirty.  Jesus told us to put down our stones and lay gentle hands upon hurting people.  Jesus told us to love one another. Love one another. He did it with His hands, His voice and His blood.  How can we do anything less than use the gifts He gave us?  Don't be ashamed of your voice, He gave it to you!

As a survivor of abuse nothing is more soothing than the voice of someone who knows healing is a journey, the voice of someone who recognizes and respects our scars, the voice of someone who rejects judgment and embraces the empathy of a loving advocate.

When they tell it is more 'comfortable' for you to be silent and still - JUMP UP AND SING! DANCE! PRAY!!

Stretch your voice and share with us at the link up! http://joannfore.com/story/

Be blessed by hearing other voices by reading the blogs by the courageous women who are sharing there. Be sure to leave some love. And pray for one another. Encourage our sisters, and brothers, to use their voices!

Check out Jo Ann's book here:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Woman-Finds-Her-Voice-ebook/dp/B00G3L2Y6I/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1384113999&sr=1-1&keywords=when+a+woman+finds+her+voice

and join us for the free book study which begins November 18th!!
http://joannfore.com/find-your-voice/